Expectations pros and cons…In People/Team Management – Doing it right the first time.

 Expectation is a strong sense of belief that something will happen for sure. It is bound to happen between two people associated for a while. It is a formal occurrence at work and tends to be a more casual thing in personal relationships. Irrespective of whether it is at work or in personal life, it can at times catch us off guard. It can at times be difficult to manage.

Expectations of a person towards us don’t happen overnight. It is built overtime. The reason expectations of a person towards us grow is primarily because of our own self. The factors that depend are our attitude, capability, experience, how important the other person is to us etc.

Expectations are sort of an undiscussed pact between two people and come with their own pros and cons. Pros indicate trust, confidence and hope the other people have in us.

The entire problem is when expectations are not managed properly and start showing the cons. It could be various reasons that we let people build expectations on us. A few examples are that we let people depend on us more than required, at times we allow people to take us for granted, and the way we act differently with two different people in the same situation. We may act so because of some exceptions, but it is not perceived so by the other person. The other person will mostly form the opinion that we are acting indifferently.

A few pointers to manage the expectations in a right way from the beginning are as follows:

• Open and honest conversations: This is the most important aspect needed that we be open and honest in our conversations with people. It is always better to undersell and deliver better than to oversell and fail.

• Explaining the exceptions clearly: Whenever we go out of the way and do something for someone, it should be explained clearly as it is a one-time event. Similarly, clarity in communicating what we can do, we will do, and what we will never do is critical.

• Acting differently with two different people for the same situation: First of all, we need to question ourselves why are we choosing to do it? Is there a good reason for doing so? If the reason is a good enough one, communicate it clearly to the person in question.

In worst case scenarios, expectations gone wrong will create havoc and destroy relationships if not acted in time. Managing expectations is a delicate process and will need care. Similarly, when you have an expectation from the other person too the above-mentioned points must be kept in mind. Knowledge and experience of these aspects will help us avoid facing unreasonable expectations for ourselves and have reasonable expectations with others. Positive expectations create thriving and long-lasting relationships. I wish my readers more such rewarding experiences in their life.

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Mind matters…In People/Team Management – Determination is the key.

 

People are unique in many ways. We possess strengths, the things we are good at. We acquire these strengths by virtue of education, practice, experience etc. Similarly, we have a few areas of development as well. These are things that we can much better at than the present level. These areas of development limit us and restrict us in many ways than we may imagine. It results in missed opportunities, a better chance at life, misunderstandings etc.

The very fact that we have identified these shortcomings in us is because we still have to work towards them. It could be anything like overcoming an obstacle, getting rid of a habit or how we deal with people in general. We either know these ourselves or we receive feedback from people who are our well-wishers.

It is quite possible that we may receive this feedback from multiple people on more than one occasion. This is a clear indication that we either start working on it immediately or keep facing the same problem over and over again. These identified things or habits may vary from person to person. It could be anything like lying, cheating, anger management issues etc.

One thing is clear, whatever the issue is it is bound to be detrimental or even destructive to a relationship, especially in severe cases. Another thing that is even clearer is it is simply not going to disappear on its own, unless we put efforts into working towards these issues. A few pointers below will help structure our approach in working towards this:

•    Mind matters: Clarity in identifying the exact thing that we want to work on and making up our mind is the first and crucial step. Our mind is stronger than we can even fathom. Should we make up our mind and put efforts there is hardly anything that we cannot work on.

•    Goal setting: Once we have made up our mind, the next step is putting efforts towards it. This is the most difficult part because it requires perseverance, however it is not impossible though.

•    Choosing the right methodology to implement is the key: Different things work for different people. For some people constantly reminding themselves of the goal works, for others taking an oath works. We must identify what works for us and put a conscious effort towards it.

Once we work towards a specific goal within a time period, the results will be a rewarding experience. We are bound to regret waiting to have done it for so long and thank ourselves for having finally implemented it. Like they always say better late than never. I wish my readers to identify issues if any, work on them and experience a quality life.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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The power of your voice…In People/Team Management – The inner voice and inner strength.

 Communication is the key to almost all aspects of our life. It is the way we talk to people and conduct our day-to-day affairs. Our success directly depends on how effective we are at it. There is a different kind of communication, which we use to speak and connect with ourselves called our ‘Inner voice’. In this post, we will learn about our ‘Inner voice’ and ‘Inner strength’.

‘Inner voice’ is the way that we talk with ourselves, ask ourselves multiple questions while seeking a situation. ‘Inner strength’ is our untapped capability, the limits of our potential to see us out of a dangerous situation. It is bound to give good results, each time when we use it effectively.

Everyone is blessed with the above capabilities. It is just that some people know how to use it effectively and others are yet to learn to use it, when they face situations that demand them.

The situations that prompt the usage of these capabilities are not very frequent. It is usually when we are stuck at a crossroads or in difficult and dangerous situations in life. A few examples of it are when we have to take important decisions, course correction situations in life, when we are in critical situations.

The fundamental principles that guide us in usage of these capabilities don’t change irrespective of the situations we face. It is how we are as a person that determines the usage and outcome of these capabilities.

When we are facing a difficult situation, we don’t arrive at a solution directly. It happens after a series of different phases. The different phases can vary from being disinterested, anger, frustration, feeling victimized etc. It is situation specific. These situations tend to be highly emotional. A few pointers below will help get a clarity to cross through the rough patches:

•         Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it: We need to practice this when we are communicating with ourselves. It is important to not choose something just because it is the easiest way out. 

•         You’re tougher than you think you are right now: It is very critical to believing our self. Holding the fort until we find a solution is paramount. It is a shame that people lack this ability and in severe cases end their life. 

•         Not doing anything wrong is what will keep you afloat: Not succumbing to external pressure during the different phases of facing the situation is critical. Any wrong step due to any reason will only aggravate it further.

These situations from the beginning to the end will surely be difficult and test our potential to the limits. We cannot escape facing them, however, the outcome in general will be better, if we improve the ways to handle it. Our ‘Inner voice’ and ‘Inner strength’ is truly an asset that we possess in countering these difficult situations.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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Overlapping space issues…In People/Team Management – The placebo effect.

 

The human mind is a powerful thing, with determination and grit people can achieve what seems to be herculean tasks. Similarly, when the mind wavers and lacks clarity, it can end up in disastrous situations too. It is how we train our mind to perform that matters.

Speaking of mind since everyone has one of their own, and it is unique. People think and react to situations differently. Though the reaction may be similar among few; however, what prompts them to react differs from person to person. These reactions can be a result of learning, experience, habits etc.

When any two people live together or are associated together for a long time, the way they think, their way of doing things, their perception of situation etc. differs. It is even more obvious when people involved are of different sex. Initially, they may try to go out of the way and showcase their best behaviors. However, over time as they get more complacent with each other, their mind starts exploring and analyzing.

People feel the need of sometime for themselves referred to as ‘Me Time’. They feel the urge to relax and unwind. It is completely normal, in fact essential to relax too. Now how one does it or what relaxes a person completely differ from person to person; especially with people of different sex. For example, a woman might find activity like shopping relaxing and soothing; whereas a man might feel it stressful and enjoy some other activity like hanging around with his friends over a drink.

Whatever the activity, the ‘Me Time’ will only add freshness to the relationship and strengthen it. This must be understood as paramount to a healthy relationship.

The real problem is when the ‘Me Time’ of both the people overlap with each other. They fail to realize that this time they are allowing for each other ensures things between them lively forever. Some people may not understand this simple concept and hence fail to understand the need for it. The reasons could be insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, selfishness etc. Whatever the reason may be these overlapping space issues will only strain a relationship and be detrimental to it.

Some people can indulge in these overlapping space issues knowingly, and some may do it with the lack of knowledge of it. A few pointers to deal with such situations are:

•         Open communication: This is the first basic step that needs to be followed. In many situations, it is a one stop solution that addresses the issue.

•         Me Time: Discussing the concept of ‘Me Time’ and explaining the need for it for both. Agreeing on a schedule.

•         Adhering to the schedule: Adhering to the mutually agreed schedule and respecting the other person’s ‘Me Time’ space.

•         Honesty Factor: People usually maintain secrecy and indulge in their own space. It defeats the very purpose. It harbors suspicion and thereby leads to lying. Lies compound lies. If you don’t lie you don’t have to remember a thing.

The basics of any relationship need to be love, trust and respect for each other. Any element lacking will get the entire thing done. 

Sometimes we need to train our mind in order to accept certain things and improvise accordingly. We need to get the mind thinking that this accepting and respecting of each other’s space is not because we want to escape from each other. It is only for refreshing the lovely relationship from time to time. In general terms it is called the Placebo effect.

A placebo is anything that seems to be a "real" medical treatment -- but isn't. It could be a pill, a shot, or some other type of "fake" treatment. One of its uses is to get the mind thinking that it is getting the real medicine and strengthen it to recover. Placebos can have an effect on conditions such as depression, pain, sleep disorders etc. (Information sourced from internet}

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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The purpose of life…In People/Team Management – understanding the charm of living.

 

The purpose of life is living it to the fullest, while it lasts. We seem to have lost this understanding somewhere in the hustle of life. People plan extensively for their academics, career, their life itself. It is only natural and of course good to have a great plan in place. No offense with that at all.

However, the problem lies when things do not go as planned. The resultant disappointment is sometimes really very difficult to handle. The inability to prepare ourselves to handle failures and manage our expectations makes matters worse for us.

In worst case scenarios, people even commit suicide over petty things such as failure in exams, relationships, financial problems etc. I have come across cases in the news where people have ended their life as they could not get their desired mobile phone. It is such a shame that people can end up taking such disastrous steps, for such silly reasons.

The reason that such incidents happen is because during that instance people are so consumed by the desire that they cannot imagine the guilt nor were they prepared to handle the fear of loss. These silly things unfortunately, do not at all matter to our life in general. No reason can possibly justify these disastrous decisions no matter what.

Even in not so severe cases, people suffer to manage the fear of things not going as planned, fear of loss. The loss could be anything, a lost job, a failed relationship, going bankrupt etc. In general, the fear of loss of anything gets so overwhelming that it disables our ability to think beyond the cocoon that we unfortunately spin around us.

Our ability to deal with such situations depends solely on our inner strength that we nurture and our thought process. A few pointers that can help build the same are as follows:

•         The best thing in life aren’t things at all; realizing life is much bigger than we can fathom.

•         Life is not about doing big things perfectly, it is about doing little things right; one thing at a time, rest will fall into place.

•         Realizing Forgiveness is a superpower; holding things to yourself can hurt a lot.

•         Listening to our heart and letting the power of our love overcome our fears.

There is no such thing as being too late when we are trying to improve the quality of life. Our life is our choice, how and where we choose to take it. When we keep letting ourselves in these horrible situations then we lose a piece of ourselves. When we approach life situations with this thought process and a firm inner strength, we are only bound to make quality decisions in life; even while facing our biggest fears.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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You win some you lose some…In People/Team Management – Making wise choices.

People have a network of relationships both in their professional and personal life. It is a very big and integral part of life itself. Most of these relationships are results of the choices that they make in life. The choices made are based on that person’s feelings, observations, likes and dislikes, compatibility etc.

The relationships thus made are sometimes thriving and at times challenging. In the worst cases, it can turn into an abusive relationship. The reasons it turns abusive can be varied, and assorted too. It reaches an extent that you can no longer continue the relationship even for a day; yet due to some reasons or pressures you are forced to survive through it. It feels like leading a miserable life every day.

People sometimes struggle in their relationships. Even when there are numerous reasons to give up, they cling to that one reason not to. In most cases it is a simple lack of understanding of each other, incompatibility, unwillingness, ego etc.

The transformation in a relationship from a challenging one to an abusive one does not happen all of a sudden. Only in rare cases it happens suddenly, for example due to an unacceptable incident etc.

We cannot control the things life does to us, they are done even before we know it, and once they are done it makes us do other things. The idea is to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

However, it is paramount to identify the changes in the behavior and act swiftly to control the damage. The following are few pointers that will help see through the rough patches:

·       The ability to see the best in people even when they don’t deserve it. 

·       Trusting and believing in people motivates them to want to make adaptations. 

·       Taking timely bold decisions is sometimes necessary in worst cases. 

·       Understanding that procrastination will only delay the inevitable outcome.

Needless to mention, these steps should be considered only after exhausting the preliminary efforts of having open communication, taking counselling and putting multiple efforts to address the situation.

One must understand that relationships are formed due to our own choices and they last due to our own part of conducting affairs too. In short, it is a reflection of ourselves. Hence, the reason relationship between two people failing or flourishing is a direct result of shortcomings or capability of both.

Wishing all my readers a happy and fulfilling relationship!

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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Silence is golden…In People/Team Management – A great art of a conversation.

 

Education, knowledge, wisdom and being humble is the hierarchy of learning in life.

The purpose of education is gaining knowledge to help ourselves and others. The next step is gathering wisdom over a period of time, by virtue of our experiences. After getting an excellent education, acquiring great knowledge and getting wise; it is critical to be humble despite our achievements. It is like a feather in a cap.

This is all possible only with our ability to communicate. Communication sets us apart from the other species. Great accomplishments are a result of this ability. However, there are many instances that require us to be silent too. In fact, we need to understand that silence is an integral part of our communication too. We need to be wary of the instances and importance of remaining silent in some situations. It is crucial that we identify those situations well in advance.

A few instances where silence is golden are:

•         When you are angry: it is the most important time that you need to control yourself and refrain from speaking. Many a times you will come across people saying that ‘I just cannot control my anger’. While it may be true due to any reason; it is just not enough to avoid the resultant consequences thereafter. It is critical to understand that you will end up doing more damage to yourself than others. 

•         When you don’t have full knowledge of the subject or situation: It is not possible to be a master at everything. However, it is in our best interest to remain silent and control our urge to speak up and subject ourselves to insults. 

•         When your words aren’t valued: When your words aren’t valued and your opinion doesn’t matter, be sure enough not to provide any unsolicited advice. It’s in our best interests to avoid even our presence in such groups. 

•         When you want to observe more: When you want to expose yourself less and observe more, silence can be golden. For example, when you are new to a group and you want to understand the group dynamics before trying to fit in. 

Silence is sometimes more effective in conveying the message; more than the words themselves. Being silent, especially during the time we are angry, helps us channel our thoughts and take better decisions.

Controlling our anger is not at all an easy task, however, it is not impossible. It requires a lot of practice. There are lot of techniques in anger management. It is advisable to take up one immediately that is result oriented. Once we start adopting the techniques that work well for us, we will soon realize that silence is certainly golden.

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate your time reading this post. I hope you enjoy reading the posts and find them helpful. I request you to share the learning as much as possible so that many more benefit from it. I would be glad to know your input both For or Against. Please feel free to post, share or like if you find it useful.

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