Well people definitely are unique. The only chance of finding a particular person on this planet is in that person and that person alone. They are that unique. I often have had conversations among friends and colleagues; discussing coexisting relationships and the difficulties that lie within. A very interesting thing that I noticed among majority of the conversations is that we like a person very much. Now that is a starter. We like, admire or even love a person for a particular behavior, quality or in general the way that person is with us. We tend to feel very comfortable with that person. It is very natural process that happens with us day in and day out. This process happens frequently for some and not so regular for others. But it is bound to happen for all of us some time or the other.
Now, the second step is that we like another person too probably for an entirely different set of traits. This second person’s qualities may or may not be in contrast with the first person’s qualities. Here what we normally try to do is imagine the first person, to possess or acquire the new set of behavior and traits of our choice. This is the seed of the problem and sometimes spells the catastrophe that lay ahead of us in the near future.
Once we successfully manage to plant that seed in our mind, we try to communicate, suggest, persuade and in some worst cases coerce to get the desired outcome. Things that follow, is the seed planted by us quickly grows into a huge forest, fueled by our ego, anger and absurd thinking. This happens fast, much faster than we may possible imagine.
What we need to realize is that the concept of salad dressing does not work with people. You cannot have the best of everything packaged in one person. It is by far the ground reality and major contributing factor in most of the relationship failures, if not all. The reasons or the choices of salad dressing may be different in different cases. For example, we may try our hand to pair beauty with intelligence, success with modesty etc. The list is exhaustive. Trust me if others try to have a similar choice of salad dressing with you, they will too end up without any success and in major disappointment. In relationships particularly, this kind of experimentation will have disastrous outcome.
Luckily, very few relationships fail in spite of going through this rough terrain. Some relationships endure this nerve wrecking experience and emerge out successfully. Though it is not possible to come out with a sure shot formula to address to all the scenarios; a few pointers would go a long way in avoiding or overcoming such situation. Few of them are:
· Having an unshakable trust backed with the comfort and convenience of an open communication.
· Primarily realizing, communicating and appreciating the good in the other person.
· Being open and honest in discussing expectations with each other, backing with how it would be beneficial for the bigger cause.
· Most importantly respecting and acknowledging, the other person for their abilities, their time and efforts to make the relationship work.
The above are just some basic pointers which are easily neglected in most of the relationships. Above all learning to appreciate the good in the other person, communicating and valuing it would go a long way ensuring a healthy relationship.
My earlier post will provide an in depth analysis and help identify the inherent good:
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Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!
Happy Learning! and Happy Sharing!